As much as I wish I was that girl
On the left lately, the reality is I am the girl on the right; No filter, no edits, no touch ups. I didn’t for one second want anyone to feel the delusion that yesterday’s picture was my normal currently. I’m self conscious as hell, I’ve gained weight from bed rest, and there’s not much I like when I look in the mirror. And as much as I wanted to show the truth about my body, I was still subconsciously sucking my belly in and struggled to find a photo I “liked” enough. But this IS my normal right now, THIS is my body; and even though I sometimes look at it with sadness in my heart from seeing my scarred up body and self pity floods in my thoughts. This time around I’m working on changing my thought process, when these thoughts begin I tell myself; this body... this body has fought WARS... and each one has made me who I am today. .
@shethinx Scarlet red
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay not to be okay.
Right now, this very second, I’m not.
It’s okay to let out whatever emotion is inside of you.
It’s okay to shout, scream, and sob.
My mental illness is tough, it’s horrific, it’s life ruining, it’s relationship destroying, it’s torturous; but fuck I’m a warrior.
A fucking storm.
Right now, the light is dim.
But tomorrow, the sun will rise.
Good eveninggg Peeps!🦁🌟 Ihr seid wahrscheinlich alle noch irritiert von meinem gestrigen ,,Denglisch"😅 @klara_doro hat für meinen schlechten Mix aus Deutsch und Englisch extra ein Wort erfunden😂❤ EIN HOCH AUF DENGLISCH!🙏💥 Ich hab ja gestern Abend eine kleine Umfrage gestartet, und denke, ich werde das mal öfter machen. Also zu bestimmten Themen... Ich muss sagen, so manche Ergebnisse haben mich teilweise schon sehr schockiert. Okeee, dass jetzt meine Follower überwiegend ne Essstörung haben ist glaub ich logisch, aber dass trotzdem relativ viele auf Fragen wie zum Beispiel ,,Macht Zucker per se dick?" ,,glaubst du, Vegan ist die gesündeste Ernährung?" ,,Verbietest du dir Lebensmittel?" ,,Machst du Minnie Maud?" ... usw. mit ja geantwortet haben, ist schon irgendwie erschreckend finde ich... Es erschreckt mich deswegen, weil ich mich in diesen Antworten selbst erkenne. Ich hab früher so einiges geglaubt! So eiiiiniges...😅 Natürlich während der Magersucht. (Davor war mir das alles scheiß egal. Hauptsache es gab Futter🙈) Aber teilweise wurde mir von den Ärzten in den Kliniken so ein Bullshit erzählt! Und auch generell bekam ich so viel scheiße von anderen Leuten mit, wodurch schlussendlich meine Krankheit ausbrach. Danke an alle, die solche Lügen verbreiten und dadurch Essstörungen auslösen🙏 NICHT🖕 Ich meine... woher soll man so Dinge auch wissen. Nicht jeder Mensch beschäftigt sich täglich mit Ernährung und dem ganzen Zeug. Ich wusste vor meiner Krankheit nicht einmal so richtig, was Kohlenhydrate sind (gut ich war 12...). Und wenn man nichts über dieses Thema weiß, glaubt man schnell die Dinge, die im Internet rumirren, oder die dir deine Tante sagt, die gerade versucht ein paar Pfunde loszuwerden😅,,XY macht dick, XY ist böööse, XY ist ungesund, XY beeinflusst deinen Stoffwechsel negativ, XY macht nen Schwabbelarsch"😂...(ihr wisst schon... halt alle diese Mythen). Das hatte mich damals alles so verwirrt. Und was hab ich dann gemacht? GENAUUU!☝️ Ich hab einfach gar nichts mehr gegessen, weil ja ALLES so böse ist und fett macht!😃😵🔫GROßES FETTES DANKE AN DIE LEUTE, DIE SO DUMME LÜGEN VERÖFFENTLICHEN UND VERBREITEN🖕🖕🖕😅 Hufff... Blanca ganz böse😂❤
24 7595 hours ago
“I'd rather obese people hear criticism and be unhappy, than be dead. You should think the same way if you care about them.” Shame does not instigate change. And no, it’s not just about a fat person being “unhappy” if met with hate; it’s deeper than that. People die due to depression. People die due to bullying. If you cared, truly cared, you would value both a person’s physical and mental health.
Most people don’t choose to gain weight. Weight gain can be caused by stress, a response to medications, genetics, traumatic experiences, mental health issues, physical health issues, etc. Weight gain isn’t a joke; it can be a sign that something serious is going on with the individual.
So you’re not being “real” or “just honest” or “helpful” if you shame, hate or bully. You’re perpetuating the problem.
If you want to help, better yourself. Find out where all of your hate and anger comes from, and explore that. Hurt people hurt people, so you can shame people for their appearances all you’d like, but at the end of the day, you’re hurting emotionally, mentally, and perhaps even physically too, as I can’t see it of course because health can’t always be seen. Health is an individual’s journey and needs to be addressed as a whole. And no one is obligated to provide you, a stranger on the internet, with their health records.
I don’t share my therapy sessions publicly because I don’t owe it to anyone to share it. But guess what? Health concern trolls ask me all the time if I’m getting checked out for physical health issues, but they never ask me for my progress in therapy or a brain scan of how mental illness affects my brain. That right there proves the lack of true concern. You can’t separate out mental and physical health, especially when there is a history of mental illness; nearly everything health wise intertwines. Mental health is just as valuable as physical health.
At the end of the day, you don’t know every single detail of my health by just looking at me, and I don’t know yours either. And I’m fine with not knowing your health because I worry about and am taking care of my own, because it’s my responsibility - not yours.
It's taken me almost 2 months to be ready to open up about this, but here is the real reason why I came home from my LDS mission. It wasn't due to my suspected heart condition in high school, like I said it was.
Link in bio➡️
1 212:35 AM Dec 12, 2017
Chinese food today 🐉🇨🇳 I had tofu and vegetable soup 🍵🍛I finished the whole container 😐 I was pretty hungry. I also had two servings of rice with soy sauce 🍚 a couple oreos, and mango Bubble tea! I had to take two antacids this time, soups make me incredibly nauseous 😷😕 I feel I overate, and it's my own fault because I didn't eat anything in the morning or afternoon. I went to the gym earlier, and will go again tomorrow. Ignore how unflattering those pants/angle are, I look fat. I'm not feeling great this afternoon, I feel gross and stressed about too many things. Trying my best to stay positive. 💊😓🤞🏻
The term self-care gets thrown around a lot - we hear about bubble baths and buying flowers...and while those things can be really helpful, when it comes to your mental health there are a few things that you can add to your emotional tool-kit to help you maintain your sanity. ▫️ 1) Say NO - saying yes to everything will leave you feeling over-committed, tired and stressed, none of which are good for your health. You’re human, and you have limits. Know what those limits are and say no when necessary. ▫️ 2) Maintain Supportive Relationships - we need connections with others in order to thrive. Instead of shutting people out, invite them in. ▫️ 3) Ask For Help - asking for help can be hard, because many of us equate it with failure, but in reality asking for help from the right people can help to ensure your success – it will keep you from feeling burnt out and stressed. ▫️ Self-care is a conscious choice - one that goes far beyond the bubble bath. #bghproject ▫️📷 : @kellbell.quitejovial
This tree describes me the last week or so. I'd been shooing off depression since Friday before last when a surprise jumbo car repair and my bills going through wrecked my false sense of security. I've been dealing with depression (secretly until this year) for a very long time and have learned to evade it with many tricks, primarily meditation and cannabis. And, for a time, it worked.
But by Saturday morning the lil' fucker had me crying on the floor of a public restroom, calling mental hospitals asking if they'd take my insurance. (Therapeutic...) I found one that would, but then I suddenly decided that I'd get my car/house washed and see how I felt after. It was still there.
So I took an olanzapine and cleaned the inside of my car/home. Smaller, but still there. So I finally took myself to the doctor, where I found out that my foot, which I'd been walking on all week, was broken. But I misheard the doctors talking and thought I was fine! The relief seemed to eat up the depression and even when I heard the news correctly it was still gone. And it is still gone.
It seems so tiny once depression finally lifts, like I wasn't being pushed to the ground by a massive but invisible force. Once I find my way back toward the sun, it seems I was never headed anywhere else.
So this will probably be my only post of the day, since I am not having a very good one today😓 I decided to make a smoothie bowl, with frozen mango, strawberries, peaches, granola and water. Try to eat it all. I might have a snack later? Idk yet, I’ll put a poll up and you can help me decide what to have🤷🏻♀️ I hope all of your days have been good today💫 I wish the best for all of you and your fight for freedom and recovery💪🏻 You deserve it✨
Depression is really really real today. As well as ana. Haven’t eaten or drank anything, haven’t gotten out of bed (until I made this smoothie, its 7pm) because I am just so ashamed of myself. Yesterday I let myself go to far. And maybe that isn’t true, but it’s damn true in my mind. I feel like I lost control over myself and let myself eat too much and laugh too much and enjoy too much. HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE. Idk. But it’s how I feel. Very strongly. And guess what? I can’t even get any professional help until MAY!! I got a call today for the psychiatrist I was supposed to start seeing, and they said I can’t see her because I am out of range. Wtf? I am 30 minutes away. And I am willing to drive there for help! So my only in range psychiatrist who can’t see me until May are my only option? Thanks for throwing me to the curb. “Hey we know your literally asking and begging for help now, and doing everything you can to find it, but nah, we will see you in May. Good luck until then!”. I am so defeated. What am I supposed to do? This was the 1 thing I was hanging on to as hope for the future, and now it is gone. I am on my own until MAY. And that is only the initial appointment where they get to know you or whatever, so it will be even longer until I actually get any help from them! Guys idk anymore. The mental health system is honestly horrible. HORRIBLE.
Excited to start this amazing project to help raise awareness for one of the most serious conditions being overlooked today...mental illness. The goal is to have people suffering and who may have overcome whichever mental health disorder they have battled, and record a minute or less video saying what they suffer from and how they cope with it! Make sure to hashtag #mentalminuteproject
I’ll add your video which could ultimately lead to you helping others suffering in the world today. My video will hopefully start the domino effect and get others to open up and realize they’re not alone in this fight! We would love to have you all be apart of the mental minute project! Much Love ❤️ Please PM the me for any questions or posts you’d like added to the page that could help the lives of others. #mentalhealth#mentalhealthawareness#mentalillness#mental#mentalminuteproject#project#recovery#support#awareness#suicideprevention#overcome